The common thought process is: “Why should I do more than absolutely necessary in order to put myself into the position that I desire?” If you are capable of achieving great things yet refuse to do so, “just because,” then you are wasting your natural or God-given gifts.  As you look at the totality of the human species there are only a few chosen ones that carry our species progressively forward in a positive manner. If those who have such ability refuse to step on the throttle… the consequences can be devastating for the rest of the species.

As a person who has gifts and talents to do more and rise higher, it is almost a duty to fulfill the shoes I was destined to follow. Since the truly gifted and talented ones are so rare it may take several years or decades before life can reproduce one with uniqueness. Therefore it is imperative that those who have unique and special talents do all they can in order to place their stamp upon society and the world.

Imagine if Gandhi had taken the road less traveled? Imagine if MLK had chosen to get his nuclear family ahead and allow his race to fend for itself? Imagine all the scientists and inventors receiving an idea to create something totally new for the benefit of humanity and, for whatever reason, chose not to share their thoughts with the world? The road less traveled is not an easy one, but it is one that the select few chose to take.

Regardless of what you may think, you came into this world with a special and unique gift or talent. You have a special ability that is yours alone. Just suppose for a moment that you are the only one that can perform what you have the ability to do. Would you not feel an obligation to do the right thing for the right reason? Truth has it; people choose to take the lesser road. They realize that a higher road is available, but still opt to take the lesser one. Is that you?!!!

Without blaming anyone for negligence I would simply say there is much more available to us as a species than that of which we take advantage. More people with special gifts and talents think they can simply take the popular road and allow life to do what it does. I say to you; “That’s not good enough.” You were blessed beyond others for a reason. For those who are given much, more is expected of them; and for those who were given less, not as much is expected. Where you fall in the overall scale is something that you inwardly know. Your Creator knew in advance what you were intended to achieve.

Understanding this to be even a remote possibility: which road will you take? There are two choices: the road most traveled or the one less traveled.  The choice is YOURS.

Fortunately for me I made a couple of wise choices that assisted me later in life. I can’t take any credit for being smart because I only followed the prompting that came my way from my environment  (most specifically from my Mother) that led me to take precautionary measures.

Unfortunately, the statistics show a drastic decline in how the male species is operating while at the same time it shows a counteracting incline in how females are operating. Overall females are doing much better in this society, while males are not. Much of this is attributed to the lackadaisical attitude men have adopted in recent years. Men are not used to having to compete against females for the typical roles men fulfilled since time’s beginning. Men were the unchallenged heads of the family. Today, how things have changed.

Men can no longer depend upon going out and finding a manual labor job just to produce an income that will sustain a family. In tough economic times minimum-wage jobs will not cut it. Depending upon your financial social status such wages will not even cover the minimum standards of living. If living below the standard is what you are willing to accept for your family and yourself, then being a man without a plan will certainly get you there.  Alternatively, if you want more for those who depend upon you, a plan of action is necessary. The rules of the world have changed. You must adjust if you want to become successful.

Obviously good planning is beneficial to all: Major businesses operate that way, teams work that way, and even the world at large works in an organized manner. When you don’t have a plan the automatic default is usually failure. For example, if you leave a plot of land un-kept it will not grow a manicured garden. It will only produce wild weeds. This is called entropy. A man without a plan achieves similar results.

Even though I can’t tell you how to plan your life, or what kind of plan may work with the skills or natural gifts you may have, I can tell you with certainty that if you do nothing… you will achieve nothing. If achieving nothing is good enough for you, then so be it.

Being incorrigible as a single person with no responsibilities is one thing, but being that way with responsibilities and people depending upon you places one on the lower side of human character and behavior. You are beyond constraints, advice, or correction. If that is truly how you want to run your life then do it alone, and hopefully away from others that want what is best for all.

A man with a plan is what you should want to be. When you were a child people expected you to act as one, but there comes a point when you reach the age of maturity. At that point you must shed your childish ways and step up to the plate in order to be counted or even be IN the game of life.   You may not have a master plan for success but at least you should have one that keeps you out of the wild weeds. Be somebody that others can call worthy – be a man with a plan!

Although there aren’t any rules that you must follow, there are things that will certainly help make your group a productive learning experience.

Although each group will be unique there are certain things that will enhance the group and others that will distract from the group. As you are contemplating the chemistry of your group keep in mind the nature of the information you may be willing to share. Be likewise mindful of the quality of the people you might be willing to trust with that information. You wouldn’t want to tell your life’s secrets to total strangers and hope that it won’t get to ears that you never wanted to hear the information. Use prudence!

As you are forming your group it would be helpful if there were pre-existing trust factor, some commonness of purpose, ideology, basic belief system, economic goals and aspirations, and moral values. A common faith may be a positive factor, but not necessarily so. In addition you want men that aspire to better themselves and by joining the group. Upholding character and integrity must be the first rule. If not then the group will not be as successful as possible. A few bad apples can spoil the whole bunch.

AGE

We find that diversity in age is a very positive factor in forming your discussion group. It is difficult for “the blind to lead the blind” and for youth to possess deep wisdom of life that they’ve never personally experienced. Diversity in age gives you the same picture from different prospective(s). It’s not that one is right and the other wrong, but that they see the same picture differently based upon their exposure. Some older men get set in their ways and sometime stuck (in ignorance) on the wrong side of knowledge. Some younger men think they know it all and haven’t had any life experience to justify their cocky opinions. Bringing these two patterns together in a spirit of co-sharing and learning adds a new awareness and growth.

MEMBERS:

Although there is no set number of members that is ideal, we like smaller groups that are capable of allowing each of the members to express themselves on each point that they would care to express an opinion. Where there are too many members some may feel restricted or inhibited in expressing their opinions. Depending upon the chemistry of the members some men like to hoard the conversations, some like to dwell upon their misery, some like to hear themselves talk, some may be shy, and such. By keeping the group relatively small, (around a dozen or so, but less than two dozen) each member can become a vital part of the group. If the group is too large to fit into a home setting it also creates other problems like finding a place to meet. If you have access to a large facility and a large number of males, then this may not be a major factor.

APPOINTING A LEADER

Even though each of the members should feel equal, it is necessary to appoint a leader to conduct each meeting and to serve as the moderator. It doesn’t necessarily need to be the same person each meeting but each meeting needs only one moderator who is respected as the leader for that day for the sake of keeping order.

We suggest that you alternate the moderator position for each lesson so each member can experience what it feels like to moderate and keep the discussion lively while under control. Most males have a different style of leading that adds something unique to the mystic of the meetings. If a member is not good at moderating they should excuse themselves from the (moderator) position because their leadership could negatively impact the group meeting and allow a sour experience if the discussions get out of control. Whoever is selected for the meeting moderator should be given the gavel in order to exercise orderly control over the meeting. Each member should agree to respect the “CHAIR” as part of the group’s “procedure of operation.” Not agreeing to uphold order in a receipt for disaster and for destroying the integrity of the group.

FOLLOWING THE WORKBOOK

Each member should have his individual workbook. The cost of the book is minimum but if a member does not want to commit to paying $10 for the cost of the book, then that is not a sign of commitment to make changes in their lives. This does not mean that other members cannot advance the cost of the book for another member, but one should want to pay the cost for his own self-improvements. If someone were reluctant to participating I wouldn’t want him to be a part of my group. Each member should make a commitment to help each other to become the best they can be. If that is not the motto then why meet? Each member should fully fill out his workbook according to what is right for him, not what others may call right. There is no scoring system for pass or fail. It is only about individual improvement.

The workbook does not have to be discussed in the order written. However, we would suggest that you fully exhaust each lesson completely before starting a new one. As you complete one lesson then pre-agree upon the next topic to discuss and who will be the group moderator for that lesson.

COMMON COURTESY

If at any point during a meeting you find yourself acting in ways that you know your mom would disapprove of if she were watching you on a monitor screen, then that behavior would probably go against common decency and common courtesy. Be courteous to your fellow members even if it takes some restraint on your part. This group is not about ego shinning or self-glorification. Be nice, be decent, and just be courteous with your fellow group members.

HOW TO OPEN EACH MEETING

With most groups the opening may be with some sort of nondenominational prayer to bring the hearts and minds of the members together in a spirit of unity. You may also decide to open with the Pledge of Allegiance or a joke of the day in order to inject laughter. Whatever the group determines as an appropriate opening is what each group should practice. We only suggest that some form of opening to the meeting is done in order to bring unity of mind and spirit to the meeting.

Each particular chapter (lesson) of the workbook has an opening narrative. This was intended to bring focus upon the topic at hand. This opening message to the lessons could be read to the group if desired or paraphrased if desired, or you (the Moderator) may decide to create your unique opening that brings focus to the topic at hand. We are not interested in creating robots, but instead we are attempting to get men in an atmosphere conducive to discussing important topics for the purpose of making substantial changes in their lives.

PRIMARY GOAL (MISSION STATEMENT)

This program is not suggested to be a cure-all for the severity of the issues many males face. Our goal is only to do what we can to make a small dent in what we see as a major problem. We are very concerned at the status of the male role and how it appears to be diminishing according to statistics and public opinion. Even the workbook wasn’t designed in a super sophisticated manner that will enhance subliminal changes in the unsuspecting subjects. It contains simple question designed to promote deep discussions. You will more than likely come up with more discussion points as you venture into each lesson. We want to open the door to change, but the degree of change or improvements is solely up to the individual group members. Some will gain greatly and some little. If you apply yourself to the fullest you will gain greatly. If not, then you only get in what you are willing to dish out. We are all about “men helping men to become better men.” There is no other hidden agenda.

Your group will become as good as your weakest member. If all members become strong then multiply yourself by the number of your members and see how great that multiplies you as an individual. If you are not willing to give it your full participation then perhaps you may not want to pull down other members of the group who would really love to count on your full strength. Stepping out if you are not ready to fully participate may be good for the group, but it may also be a sign of personal failure to the individual. You must decide when you are ready for real change: ready to become what we call a “real man.”

{NOTE: YOU MAY WANT TO COME UP WITH A UNIQUE MISSION STATEMENT AND A UNIQUE NAME FOR YOUR GROUP}

With time we will be posting more resources on our website. We will post blogs where you may comments online and express your opinions to other established groups. We are in process of establishing “Real Men Professional Groups” and networking for those who want to take this up to a higher level. The sky is the limit, and beyond…

Enjoy your group!

However, when it comes to taking care of your masculine needs, very little attention is given. Males do all they can to please and nurture females, but the opposite is not the standard. When it comes to nurturing masculine needs most males are not consciously aware of what their needs may be because rarely is it verbally expressed. It is not that males want to become pampered by females but that they have certain needs that will make them function better. It is similar to how vehicles require regular maintenance in order to function at their best level of performance.

Several years back I read a booklet that spoke about masculine needs and how to nurture them. At the time I was not aware that I needed certain pampering or maintenance in order to function to the best of my ability. After reading this material I got it right away. I realized that when I was properly maintained I functioned better. Many men think that they need to be fulfilled sexually and that would place them at the top of their abilities.

In truth sex pertains to a physical need, but we are more than just physical creatures. We have emotional, spiritual and psychological needs in addition to our physical needs. Although our physical needs are quite important, sex is not a cure-all. It is not even a panacea for our physical needs.

Without getting into copyrighted material I will summarize some of the things this material revealed to me in reference to our masculine needs. Once you become aware of these needs you can personally take charge of being in charge of your own masculinity. You become the gatekeeper in order to make sure you are being properly maintained. Many of these requirements are up to you to carve out pf time and space in order to make sure they are met. Below, I will briefly mention these needs and you can figure out where you stand by way of servicing and maintenance. This was taken from a booklet by John Gray, PhD called, “Twelve Ways for Men to Nurture Their Masculinity.”

One: Men need to spend time with other males competing as a team or as individuals. This helps them to sharpen their personal tools. As boys you learned to play hard against each other. Even though you saw that as play, you learned life skills that help you today in a competitive world. When you learn to operate as a team that helps you in things such as family, business, or other natural groupings where we (males) are involved.

Two: Men need time alone in order to contemplate where they are in life and what they need to do in order to proceed forward. If you do not take this time alone for self-reflection life has a way of smothering you and you won’t be able to see through the fog. Find ways of spending time alone in self-reflection and it will keep you aligned with your purpose, your goals, and what you perceive as your truth. This was referred to as “cave time.”

Three: Males need to find ways of releasing their warrior energies. Males are born with aggressive tendencies. This is why they were the primary candidates for soldiers in war. They could be trained to unleash their warrior-like energies. These energies can be released by, playing games, looking at violent movies, exerting themselves physically through playing hard, and the like.

Four: Men need to regularly exert their muscles in different ways. There are energies that are running through your system that need to be managed properly. Allowing your muscles to flex helps to manage your masculine energies. Doing different things that allow your muscles to flex helps nurture your masculinity.

Five: Push yourself to new higher limits. Not only do you need to push your muscles, you need to push your mind. You need to reach for higher goals. Don’t get too comfortable with the status quo because that makes you age. Learn new things and keep pushing yourself.

Six: Do random acts of kindness. This will keep you spiritually-adjusted. Learn to do things for others. Learn to put the needs of others above your own selfish needs. Even though you need to always protect self, thinking outside of the self helps you to practice your masculine roles and the responsibilities that are expected of you. You are protector and provider. In order to do so you must think outside of just yourself.

Seven: Don’t punish those in your inner circle. Usually you take out your frustrations on the ones who are nearest to you. The ones in your own home tend to catch the brunt of your emotional storms. Find other ways of releasing without punishing the ones in your inner circle.

Eight: Do things that make you feel accomplished and in charge. Just as you would make a “to-do list” for the job or for household chores, make a list of things you do just to satisfy your needs. Perhaps no one does things for you that make you feel good. Not to worry, make your own list and do them for you just as you would do them for others.

Nine: Overcome procrastination. When something needs to be done do it immediately. Don’t put things off until later because that becomes a deadly habit. Make a check-list and do the ones that are tough first. The rest will be so easy that they practically take care of themselves. Become proactive. Do it NOW!

Ten: Don’t allow fear to freeze you. Most of us allow our fears to stop us in our tracks. If you want to do something and sense fear, face it. There is a reason why most people do not accomplish their goals. It is because they allow fear to stop them from acting. Face fear and overcome it. Use it as your motivation.

Eleven: Practice containing your anger. When you sense anger beginning to grow inside you, become conscious of the escalating agitation. Do something to divert or displace the anger. Sense it; give it a name as you would a tropical storm. When you face it you gain the upper hand rather than allowing it to take you out of your mental control.

Twelve: Create a male support group or system. Find other males you can speak to about emotional things or things that you don’t know how to express. A best buddy is good to have but if not, find other males that you can bounce things off. Don’t live in a bubble. Create a male support system.

I am not trying to infringe on copyrighted material but instead passing on something that I thought was extremely beneficial in helping me understand my masculine needs. Google John Gray, PhD and acquire more of his pointers to aid in your understanding of gender needs and differences. This is my paraphrase of what I learned from that book. I am happy to give credit where credit is due. Again, this is not something that I created.

Yes guys, you have masculine needs. Make sure you are doing something to fulfill those needs just as you are doing things to fill the needs of others.

Parenting can be a very tough role to fill. Like most other adult roles it requires on the job training. We do the best we can with the few skills we have. Unfortunately most of us don’t have good reliable resources to turn to when we have questions regarding how to effectively parent our children. Most don’t even have reliable resources to turn to in order to learn about marital issues in general, which include dealing with your spouse in addition to the children, the in-laws, aging parents, and a host of things that come with matrimony.

If you only had one issue to handle such as being a great dad perhaps you could buckle down and tackle that chore with personal pride and do an adequate job of what you set out to achieve. If life were that simple then more of us would be much more successful. Unfortunately we do not get to tell life when or how to dish us out our responsibilities. They do not come just one at a time wrapped in a neat package. On the contrary they usually come in bundles. While you are learning how to become a decent parent you have to also learn how to be a decent husband at the same time. You have to learn how to get along with in-laws, how to deal with employment issues, and a multitude of other issues at the same time. In fact, when it rains, it pours!

When you open the doors of problems to deal with they seem to flock together. Most young married couples don’t have the necessary maturity to deal with that much stress under intense pressure so many times they fold under fire. The marriage crumbles. Yet, you have to still be a parent to your children for life. How do you separate all the anger and venom from a failed marriage so you can still perform your job and responsibility as a parent? No one ever said it would be easy. When you thought you were falling in love with your potential mate you never anticipated having so many things to deal with at once, all requiring your immediate attention.

I’m not trying to paint a dark picture, but before you make the decision to become a parent you need to think through the big picture. Being married in and of itself can be trying and complicated. Learning how to deal with in-laws can have its challenges. Dealing jointly with finances, employment issues, career issues, and just coming together as a team with others is extremely challenging. Wouldn’t it be prudent to work slowly into all these tentacles before you bring children into the world when you will be required to master being the parent in addition to all the other issues?

Being a parent is one of your most important roles as a male, if you decide to become one. Since it is such a precious responsibility you should think carefully before you allow the heat of the moment to create a child. Although you may never be fully ready for the challenges that a young family offers, you can plan ahead and talk over such things with your spouse in order to have a planned family rather than one that you are dealing with blindly. For those who choose to bring children into the world with no desire to become a fully-active parent, shame on you. That is a cruel thing to do to a child, who deserves a fair chance to compete in such a complicated world.

If you choose to get married and start a family, make sure you think this thing through. Don’t just allow regularly and readily available sex to dominate your reason for getting married or for having children. It is much more complicated that just calling yourself a married person. There is much to do, much to learn, and much to consider, especially before you bring children into the world. If you get married while you are young, in your teens or early twenties, don’t rush children into the package. Learn about each other and about the complications of being married before you take the next logical step of bringing children into the picture. Once you bring them in it is too late to undo the lifelong obligation of parenting.

These are things that males need to think through before just jumping into the sack. It is not just for the pleasure of sex. If you want just sex do something to insure that you do not accidentally bring a child into the world unplanned and perhaps even unwanted! Don’t be that irresponsible with the life of a child. Don’t take the role of parenting lightly. It requires much more than you may think while only looking at the picture from the outside. It is a tough responsibility, but it can be a very rewarding one. All I am saying is to think it through wisely before you decide to become a parent. Be prepared for the challenges and step up to the plate to do the right things when the issues come up. Being a parent is one of the toughest roles you could have as a male, but also one of the most rewarding when it is done right.

I don’t want to paint such a dark picture, but if I don’t, no one will feel the urgency to do anything. If we don’t do something to alter the fate of our boys who are filling the mold that has been set before them, there is no good news to spread. The decay of morals and standards of decency were not set by the boys; men in the public eye set it. These are not the poor and infamous men who have the power to paint the picture for Wall Street and our political structure, but very powerful and famous men that fuel the flames of the media. Boys see men acting badly, men with lots of money, fame and power, so guess what signal they are getting. “IT’S ALL ABOUT THE BLING.” Forget what you may have to do to get it, but by all means, GET YOUR BLING! That’s the signal they are receiving!

Whenever a famous person gets caught with their pants down; so to speak; whenever a famous politician gets caught on the wrong side of the law; when the rich and famous decide to quit on their third or fourth marriage, guess what signal is being sent? Guess who is watching? If we are not meticulous with our own acts, deeds, or spoken words, I can guarantee more eyes and ears than you can imagine are watching to see how you behave. If it is good for men in such high places then why shouldn’t boys think it’s good for them?

Somebody needs to push the panic button! Somebody needs to yell “Fire in the hole!” Somebody needs to take charge and do something to change the course of the future of our country, perhaps the future of the world. If we are the shining example, the City that sits high on the hilltop that others may be watching, then we are revealing the wrong picture. Not only is the bathwater cold, but the baby sitting in the spoiled water has become cold, even before they had a chance to turn into something good.

Who can we turn to? Who can save us from ourselves? What can we do to change this picture? The problem seems so insurmountable that any compassionate person feels like it may be a waste of good energy pouring their hearts and souls into a losing battle. But again, if each one will reach out and teach one, the problem is not insurmountable.

If there are almost seven billion of us on the planet this means that more than likely there must be at least four billion or more who are already over the age of manhood. Out of that four billion there must be at least two billion men who are capable of doing something positive. If only two billion men reach out and teach one other boy we would have tackled at least half of the problem. Mathematically the problem is not that difficult but tackling the hearts and minds of people and getting them to actually do something positive is a different story.

What would you consider to be vital as a healthy male? Most males may immediately focus upon a steady diet of sex. However, if you happened to be stranded on an island with no female available, would you die from the lack of regular sex? No, you would just become extremely efficient at masturbating. Although we say sex is very high on our list of requirements, that is mostly in our mind and… perhaps it hangs heavily in your groin as seamen is allowed to build up without erupting.

On the other hand males need to establish channels of ventilating certain energies. Most genetically have excess energies that are prompted by the hormone called testosterone. This energy is what makes men capable of doing the hard physical work or play they’re capable of achieving. If there’s no outlet for the release of this energy there may be a violent eruption and someone could be injured. This is not to say that a man couldn’t channel the release of this energy through sex, but sex is not the only way for men to release it. Besides, to have sex that frequently you need a willing partner. On the other hand it could be channeled through vigorous exercise, rough-housing, playing hard, pushing oneself hard mentally and achieving a euphoric high from success, meditating, praying, spending time alone in nature, or just consciously releasing built-up energy into the cosmos and letting it go.

When a male is in a relationship and it feels that the walls are so tightly fitted around him with no obvious release valve he will usually resort to heavy consumption of drugs or alcohol; the pursuit of an extra marital relationship, or it may appear as an unusual dysfunction that the male has no conscious attachment to the action. When energies are stored to the maximum capacity and you try to force more into the capacity than it was built to handle, there will be an explosion. This is the law of natural science. This is not what we wish to happen.

Most females have found interesting ways of channeling their femininity and it is not necessarily through sexual intercourse. In fact it appears that sex may not rate as high on female’s charts as it does males. They love taking hot baths, getting facials, manicures, pedicures, gossiping, reading sexy novels, watching movies or programs that turn them on in interior ways, and a host of other things that a one-night sexual episode may not be able to compete with. What is it that males have for their release of testosterone energies similar to what females have? I can think of many, but first you have to get your mind unstuck on sex before you will even entertain door number two.

I just recently read an article posted by the Mayo Clinic called, “Male depression: Understanding the issues.” Here is the direct link in case you would like to read the complete article for yourself:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/male-depression/MC00041

This article confirms my personal experience. I have personally sensed this feeling. Rather than proactively doing something to effectively deal with the situation I tried to ignore it, or overcome it mentally by the power of will. Unfortunately my will power was not strong enough to override this ailment so I was left with holding the ball not knowing what to do with it.

Since I pride myself in being a strong individual, admitting that I could not effectively deal with this issue was my first problem. Until I convinced myself to seek outside help I would remain in the dark. On the other hand, the quicker I would reach out to some sort of medical or other clinical help the quicker I would be put on a path of healing.

As typical of most males I tried to analyze my own problems. If I can’t find the answers I might try to wait it out if the suffering is not too unbearable…Only when the suffering doesn’t go away am I forced out of my “pride shell” to see a doctor.

Since I personally have a few friends that I can talk to about my issues usually they will admit that they have faced something similar or know of someone else who has. Just by reaching outside of my own mental zone of safety I was able to start on a path of discovery that led to a source of possible cures for what I might have been facing. Staying behind my own “pride walls” only led to more of the same “nothingness.” Depression hides behind our pride.

Male depression may go undiagnosed for several reasons, according to the Mayo Clinic:
• Reluctance to discuss depression symptoms
• Seeing mental illness as a threat to your masculinity.
• Masking depression symptoms.
• Resisting mental health treatment.

The article went on to list some of the signs and symptoms more likely to occur with male depression:
• Violent or abusive behavior
• Inappropriate rage
• Escapist behavior, such as over-involvement in work of sports
• Risky behavior, such as reckless driving
• Sexual liaisons
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• More frequent thoughts of suicide

“Having such symptoms can make it more difficult to link them to depression, making diagnosis and treatment harder,” according to the Mayo article.

What men need to learn in general is how to reach out for help without going through denial and senseless pride. If you have strange symptoms and see yourself doing things that are not your usual pattern you need to establish a fail-safe mechanism. If you have a best buddy bonded with trust, ask them to assist you.

Make a pack (pre-agreed upon) with a buddy to handle the tough issues for each other whenever they may occur. If you do not have such a friend then that is a project for you to make an effort to achieve. Creating such a bond is one of the most precious assets of life. If you do not have such a person then you are out on a limb without a safe way out of your situation. You are putting yourself up the creek without a paddle. It doesn’t have to be like that!

Guys, this is a new day. We have to start living and pondering life differently. We no longer need to suffer alone in darkness. Having a problem or condition is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Besides, who cares what people think if it means that you need to remain in a holding pattern of suffering. In reality men may fake holding back pain in public, but we are not lovers of pain. The fact of the matter is that we hate it! If you’re suffering, reach out. Find a cure and rid yourself of the problem. Go to the source of the problem; don’t get stuck on the symptoms. You are not the doctor nor qualified to either treat or heal yourself.

In truth male depression goes directly against the nature of most males. It forces them to admit something they never want to admit: it feels like a threat to their masculinity. It forces you to bury the problem even deeper making it harder to cure and it works against your mind where you think you should be able to figure things out. In this case being well is worth more to you than your pride. But, if you insist upon being prideful, how is that working for you?

It is easy to look at the big picture and see a negative connotation as you see the aggregate. There are certainly more negative images we see daily that paint a rather dark overall picture of black males. At the same time we see so many popular and successful Blacks at the forefront of society, namely our first Black President, scores of top level black professionals, professional athletes, gifted entertainers, Black CEOs’, and other very successful black males who are at the very top of their prospective games. Thanks to television shows like the Cosby Show, now we see blacks portraying images of successful people in all walks of life. That was not the situation just a short time ago when blacks were only portrayed in less-than-successful positions.

While there certainly are many males who have done quite well, the majority of our black males do not fit this mold. Most fall under the poverty line. Most are not well-educated. Most are not very successful by society’s standards. The fact is; the job of equalization of our males in America has not even made it to first base yet. We have miles to go before we can claim the dream that Martin Luther King spoke about in his famous speech, “I Have a Dream.”

There is a danger in becoming overly complacent to the point that we no longer push for equality, or fight for what is fair, right and decent. Since I have endeavored to learn how to work the system I have found a few inroads and have overcome many hurdles along the way to claiming my status in the “middle class.” My children are growing up not even knowing or appreciating our battle or what we had to go through just to be in this position. In a sense we literally had to break through walls that blocked us from achieving our God-given rights as human beings. We were denied civil rights, human rights, and the right to live freely and prosper. We fought many battles and overcame many hurdles, but the battle is far from over, even to this day.

I am not advocating violence, civil unrest, revolution, or anything that has to do with chaos. I am not against anyone nor do I wish to take anything away from those who “have.” I simply want an equal chance to gain what is available with the full protection of the law and the government on my side and on the side of all people that were formerly, and still are in many cases, denied an equal chance to succeed.

With Black males overall there has been a strategic policy for too many years to stack the deck against them. Our history books confirm this fact. First it was through bondage, then segregation, then by purposefully stacking the decks against them. When people have been kept in a state of poverty, denial, suppression, shame, guilt, or whatever negative mental state for so long the first thing that must happen is to convince them that they are not any of those negative terms. Those conditions were forced upon them against their will for centuries at a time.

After keeping a people in the worst of conditions and denying them the opportunity to get trained in order to fit into the system, it will take perhaps another century or perhaps even several decades and generations just to eradicate that mind-set before healing is possible.

Blacks who have overcome the many hurdles that kept our people down will need to teach others against the mental conditioning of poverty and lower-class thinking. If you believe you are lower class that is what you are. That is not what our people are; it was the condition that was forced upon them. We can no longer look back and give anyone the button to push that dictates who we are. They (the evil system) took the lid off the jar a while back and did not care what happened to us from that point forward.

Now it’s up to us to come together and become the help, become the assistance, become the helping hand, become our brother’s keeper, and to lift up a people to the water level and above. We have been down far too long. We have had about enough of that syndrome. However, it will not change until and unless we make, and become the change.

As a Black man my fight is not with the current white man. My fight is no longer against the system. My main battle is with the condition that makes me think that I am “less than” or, “not worthy of.” My battle is over the ownership of my mental state and condition. I’m not mad, angry, volatile, or revengeful. The last thing we need now is angry, mad, volatile, revengeful black males stirring up a fit. It’s not even necessary. All we need to do is reverse what was done to us; to become a collective of people like most races and capture the power that we have amongst us.

We could feed every black baby in America if that were our goal. We know how to work hard and to overcome any sort of insurmountable odds necessary. We did it before for this country by force. We can do it again this time with the love for our people. In order to eradicate the final chains of bondage that hold us back today we must break the mental bondage that comes with poverty thinking. It is not who we are, it is what happened to us.

No offense to my white friends, neighbors, and associates. For if they are my true friends they know the truth and love that comes from my heart. They also know the truth that resonates from this written message. We can certainly use all the assistance, support, and love from any race who is willing to step up to the plate and do what is right in order to correct a mile-high stack of wrongs that were done in the past. We must do something about this “Black Male Syndrome,” and it must be done fast.

Because of changes in how information is delivered to us the ability to exercise control over certain forms of media is elusive at best. We don’t have control over the airways, the cyber ways, what is printed in certain magazines, where newsstands are positioned, or even what programs are being aired. Unless you are willing to lock you and your loved ones in a container totally blocked from all media you will be subjected to things that go against at least some of your moral values. This is where we have evolved to as a species at this particular juncture in our history. Obviously there’s no relevance for those who declare no moral standards. To them “anything goes!”

Many of us were born during a time when morality was strictly enforced in a number of different ways by various agencies. Some of them were grossly unjust, but nevertheless they prohibited certain types of material from legally reaching the general public. There were restrictions against such things as nudity, foul language, violence, content, or things that went against society’s adopted standards. Those standards have been seriously compromised over recent years. In just a short period of time we went from very strict to very loose enforcements.

Are the lowered standards good for society? Does this newfound freedom enhance our species? Is the freedom to self-indulge worth the degradation of our morals? Ultimately, are we satisfied with the changes? If this is acceptable by the majority of the people then there is very little the minority can do to stop the current trend. If nothing is done to alter the current course then this trend will continue to tumble until it finds find its own “new” level, somewhat like water does.

As an elder citizen, one on the backside of my worthiness I’m not the one that will be most affected. It is not for my sake that I sound the alarm. My concern is for our future. I’m concerned about the lives of my children, grand children and their children’s children. If morality is allowed to fall continually, what could that picture ultimately look like?

Is this not an important enough issue that we need concern ourselves? Are we willing to let morality die and accept whatever comes next? Shouldn’t we at least give it a decent burial? Even the thought of this is far too unbearable for my mind to grasp… How say you?