We’re entering a brand new age. We’re capable of doing things today that we could only imagine just a short while ago. When change happens our challenge is to find ways to incorporate it into our lives rather than reject it. Change usually feels strange, but that is its nature. It is different because it never happened before.

Just this year we witnessed the overthrow of a dictatorship in Egypt after over 30 years of controlling its people. This revolution started and came to a very successful ending within 18 days. How was this possible? It was neither a military coup nor a political overthrow, but, instead, a collection of masses of ordinary citizens that came together; demanded change and won. It was the will of the people that decided this outcome.

A similar movement was the “occupy movement” where citizens from all around the world decided to show their dissatisfaction with the statue quo. Although the movement does not seem to attack one single cause or establishment it does seem to rally the people against what they consider to be unfair, unjust, or unequal.

In essence people have power that they seldom utilize.  Just as there is fear and mass hysteria created by powerful and often unseen factions, there is also a huge reservoir of positive power that is untapped like a vein of gold hidden deep within the earth. We know it’s there but we just have not learned how to successfully tap into that resource upon demand.

When you think about it, what are the main factors (or factions) that control our perception of life? In America it is mainly the Establishment, which includes the government, the media, the clergy, our elders, and maybe our bosses. These factions basically tell us what to do, how to operate, how to think, and basically what state of mind to have.

Since most people are attached to the system they basically follow as instructed by the various factions in place. The majority of people are followers like a herd of animals. At the same time there is another state of being that is possible, but seldom do ordinary people select to take the option behind “Door Number Two.”

Obviously it takes more guts to stand on your own power than it does to go along with the status quo. We are so indoctrinated from early in life to follow the system rather than to buck it. Most are not born mavericks with the natural ability to be a leader.

The fact is that we don’t have to be sad just because the economy is down. We don’t have to live in fear just because there are tyrants in the world. We don’t have to be so divisive just because others have a different faith or beliefs than us.

In other words, we don’t have to allow the establishment to tell us what state of being to be in. The main power is in the people and not in the establishment. We basically give them our power when the real power is in the people to decide upon their state of mind.

If we don’t surrender our power over to the minority of those in power, they could not withstand the silent majority. This is the power of the people, which by the way is too seldom used.

For example, if a political leader told you to be sad, do you have to be sad just because they tell you to be so? Absolutely not! If the media sells you derogatory products such as bad news, do you have to paint your entire world with this dark image? Absolutely not!

If your religion demonizes another person’s religion do you have to live in fear of people of different faiths? Absolutely not! Although the power of persuasion exists within the establishment it’s up to us either to accept or reject their offer.

In this country, by law, the power is in the people, but as long as we feel attached by the umbilical cord to the establishment (system) they only control our perception of things.

When the masses believe a certain way that is usually how things operate. When the masses decide to change, as in what happened in Egypt, the power was no longer the option of the dictator. Eventually the people would have won as long as they stayed united.

So what does this all mean? Is it time for anarchy? Should people rebel or otherwise cause a revolution? Is violence necessary? No! None of the above is necessary. All the people need to do is stand together. If they dare stand for righteousness sake, inevitably they will win.

There is no way the establishment can stand against the people when they know they are right and have a good reason to stand firm, for however long it takes to affect change.

All power to the people by choosing to stand on the side of what is right.

Fellows… this is a tough call, especially for African American males, but perhaps for matured males across the board. I can’t speak for all of you.

However, when you have grown sons over the age of twenty-one living at home without a job or otherwise not contributing to their upkeep, the tendency is to kick them out to the curve.

When we were in our twenties, or earlier for some, we could not wait to leave home. In fact our parents, primarily our mothers, had to hold us back until we were at least eighteen because they didn’t feel we were mature enough to be out on our own. By the time we graduated from high school we were out lick-i-ti-split! We were either working, going to college, or perhaps getting ready to be married and raise kids on our own. That was the culture of our day.

Back then labor jobs were commonly available if you didn’t mind working hard. You could find a job if you really wanted one. You didn’t necessarily have to like the job because you only wanted to gain your financial independence.

If you had a live-at-home father you couldn’t wait to prove to him that you were also a man. Even if you had a great relationship with your father you wanted to make him proud by showing your independence. If no father was present you might have stuck around longer than you would’ve liked just to make sure your mom was okay. But, as soon as possible you were out the door.

We were raised differently and things were much different then. Today is not the same for our grown sons, as it was for us. Even those who attend schools of higher learning are not guaranteed to find jobs these days. There aren’t enough jobs to go around. Of the few jobs that are available there are probably dozens or even more people standing in line waiting for them. This includes skilled and unskilled labor jobs.

The tendency we have as the older generation is to be tough on our sons because our fathers were tough on us. Although it is important to keep a certain amount of pressure on them to perform, we must not hold the pressure too tight that it breaks them. A healthy line of communication would help the situation.

Sit down with your boy (young man) and talk with him about what he is doing toward gaining financial independence. Whenever possible assist him toward achieving what he needs. Just yanking his chord alone will not help him do what must be done. He is not you and neither is the world he is facing like yours. These are tough times that require measures that match these times.

I say this from personal experience. My first inclination was to tighten up the screws as much as possible because I felt that if you “mother” a man you would weaken him. Many of our wives do a good job of mothering so we feel that it’s our job to be the (hammer) tough guy. That is not always the best measure.

Staying on top of the situation is a good practice. However, just imagine if you were in his exact shoes and what kind of assistance you might need in dealing with this tough economy. Again, tough situations require more thoughtful solutions. Give your boy a hand and help him become what you would like to see him achieve. He needs you and your strength to help him come through this economic storm. One day you will be happy that you did this.

Although there aren’t any rules that you must follow, there are things that will certainly help make your group a productive learning experience.

Although each group will be unique there are certain things that will enhance the group and others that will distract from the group. As you are contemplating the chemistry of your group keep in mind the nature of the information you may be willing to share. Be likewise mindful of the quality of the people you might be willing to trust with that information. You wouldn’t want to tell your life’s secrets to total strangers and hope that it won’t get to ears that you never wanted to hear the information. Use prudence!

As you are forming your group it would be helpful if there were pre-existing trust factor, some commonness of purpose, ideology, basic belief system, economic goals and aspirations, and moral values. A common faith may be a positive factor, but not necessarily so. In addition you want men that aspire to better themselves and by joining the group. Upholding character and integrity must be the first rule. If not then the group will not be as successful as possible. A few bad apples can spoil the whole bunch.

AGE

We find that diversity in age is a very positive factor in forming your discussion group. It is difficult for “the blind to lead the blind” and for youth to possess deep wisdom of life that they’ve never personally experienced. Diversity in age gives you the same picture from different prospective(s). It’s not that one is right and the other wrong, but that they see the same picture differently based upon their exposure. Some older men get set in their ways and sometime stuck (in ignorance) on the wrong side of knowledge. Some younger men think they know it all and haven’t had any life experience to justify their cocky opinions. Bringing these two patterns together in a spirit of co-sharing and learning adds a new awareness and growth.

MEMBERS:

Although there is no set number of members that is ideal, we like smaller groups that are capable of allowing each of the members to express themselves on each point that they would care to express an opinion. Where there are too many members some may feel restricted or inhibited in expressing their opinions. Depending upon the chemistry of the members some men like to hoard the conversations, some like to dwell upon their misery, some like to hear themselves talk, some may be shy, and such. By keeping the group relatively small, (around a dozen or so, but less than two dozen) each member can become a vital part of the group. If the group is too large to fit into a home setting it also creates other problems like finding a place to meet. If you have access to a large facility and a large number of males, then this may not be a major factor.

APPOINTING A LEADER

Even though each of the members should feel equal, it is necessary to appoint a leader to conduct each meeting and to serve as the moderator. It doesn’t necessarily need to be the same person each meeting but each meeting needs only one moderator who is respected as the leader for that day for the sake of keeping order.

We suggest that you alternate the moderator position for each lesson so each member can experience what it feels like to moderate and keep the discussion lively while under control. Most males have a different style of leading that adds something unique to the mystic of the meetings. If a member is not good at moderating they should excuse themselves from the (moderator) position because their leadership could negatively impact the group meeting and allow a sour experience if the discussions get out of control. Whoever is selected for the meeting moderator should be given the gavel in order to exercise orderly control over the meeting. Each member should agree to respect the “CHAIR” as part of the group’s “procedure of operation.” Not agreeing to uphold order in a receipt for disaster and for destroying the integrity of the group.

FOLLOWING THE WORKBOOK

Each member should have his individual workbook. The cost of the book is minimum but if a member does not want to commit to paying $10 for the cost of the book, then that is not a sign of commitment to make changes in their lives. This does not mean that other members cannot advance the cost of the book for another member, but one should want to pay the cost for his own self-improvements. If someone were reluctant to participating I wouldn’t want him to be a part of my group. Each member should make a commitment to help each other to become the best they can be. If that is not the motto then why meet? Each member should fully fill out his workbook according to what is right for him, not what others may call right. There is no scoring system for pass or fail. It is only about individual improvement.

The workbook does not have to be discussed in the order written. However, we would suggest that you fully exhaust each lesson completely before starting a new one. As you complete one lesson then pre-agree upon the next topic to discuss and who will be the group moderator for that lesson.

COMMON COURTESY

If at any point during a meeting you find yourself acting in ways that you know your mom would disapprove of if she were watching you on a monitor screen, then that behavior would probably go against common decency and common courtesy. Be courteous to your fellow members even if it takes some restraint on your part. This group is not about ego shinning or self-glorification. Be nice, be decent, and just be courteous with your fellow group members.

HOW TO OPEN EACH MEETING

With most groups the opening may be with some sort of nondenominational prayer to bring the hearts and minds of the members together in a spirit of unity. You may also decide to open with the Pledge of Allegiance or a joke of the day in order to inject laughter. Whatever the group determines as an appropriate opening is what each group should practice. We only suggest that some form of opening to the meeting is done in order to bring unity of mind and spirit to the meeting.

Each particular chapter (lesson) of the workbook has an opening narrative. This was intended to bring focus upon the topic at hand. This opening message to the lessons could be read to the group if desired or paraphrased if desired, or you (the Moderator) may decide to create your unique opening that brings focus to the topic at hand. We are not interested in creating robots, but instead we are attempting to get men in an atmosphere conducive to discussing important topics for the purpose of making substantial changes in their lives.

PRIMARY GOAL (MISSION STATEMENT)

This program is not suggested to be a cure-all for the severity of the issues many males face. Our goal is only to do what we can to make a small dent in what we see as a major problem. We are very concerned at the status of the male role and how it appears to be diminishing according to statistics and public opinion. Even the workbook wasn’t designed in a super sophisticated manner that will enhance subliminal changes in the unsuspecting subjects. It contains simple question designed to promote deep discussions. You will more than likely come up with more discussion points as you venture into each lesson. We want to open the door to change, but the degree of change or improvements is solely up to the individual group members. Some will gain greatly and some little. If you apply yourself to the fullest you will gain greatly. If not, then you only get in what you are willing to dish out. We are all about “men helping men to become better men.” There is no other hidden agenda.

Your group will become as good as your weakest member. If all members become strong then multiply yourself by the number of your members and see how great that multiplies you as an individual. If you are not willing to give it your full participation then perhaps you may not want to pull down other members of the group who would really love to count on your full strength. Stepping out if you are not ready to fully participate may be good for the group, but it may also be a sign of personal failure to the individual. You must decide when you are ready for real change: ready to become what we call a “real man.”

{NOTE: YOU MAY WANT TO COME UP WITH A UNIQUE MISSION STATEMENT AND A UNIQUE NAME FOR YOUR GROUP}

With time we will be posting more resources on our website. We will post blogs where you may comments online and express your opinions to other established groups. We are in process of establishing “Real Men Professional Groups” and networking for those who want to take this up to a higher level. The sky is the limit, and beyond…

Enjoy your group!

• Reading material on each issue will be available for download from our website.
• Links to articles that have already been published containing valuable information regarding a particular subject.
• 24-hour hotlines use the link here, or use phone numbers: 1-800 799 (SAFE) 7233 – or – 1 800 787-3224
• Mentor programs for our youth,
• Social networking through our interactive chat lines.

As men are not good at going out and seeking help for their issues, our goal is in becoming THE one-stop resource for men to get the proper help to their current issues and needs.