With that stated if you signed on to this website hoping to post your ads for your businesses or ventures this is not a site for that. It is strictly a site where males, or females can visit in order to read straight talk about many issues that males face in daily life.

Although I would like to open the blog to more people that would like to comment on what is stated, we have found that most of the people visiting lately were more interested in selling their product than speaking about specific issues.

Therefore if you came to this site hoping to place ads for your business this is not the site for that purpose. Please find another site to explore that caters to such things. The purpose and intent of this company, Real Men Seminars, is clearly laid out on the site.

This site is not to be used for advertising any sort of product, goods, or promotions. It is instead about men helping men grow and gain understanding of the typical rolls we play in this current society.

Just over the past few months we have experienced several hundred new users with the names of businesses in their email addresses indicating that they were hoping to blog and advertise their businesses. As the admin for the site we have been keeping a log of the all the new users but will not allow any blogs to post if they are trying to promote a business. That is not what we offer.

We will continue to post blogs and news items that quite a few people have found helpful over the years. We will continue pursuing the path that we started by sharing information that we feel would be helpful to males seeking self-improvement, maturity and positive development. By helping males to improve we hope to help everyone that come in contact with them.

THIS SITE IS NOT A MEDIUM FOR ADVERTISING ANY GOODS OR PRODUCTS.

Regards,

Greg Middleton/Founder

Real Men Seminars

If you had an affair, even if you knew it was a bad mistake, perhaps you wouldn’t be as forthcoming with your spouse about taking responsibility for your error in judgment. You would hope that incident would somehow get swept under the rug of secrecy.

If you had too much to drink and was the designated driver for the evening perhaps your pride would need to take a back seat to the safety of the people who would be taking a huge risk by riding with you while driving intoxicated.

What if you and your mate had a disagreement about something and it ended up that you were dead wrong and she was right? Would you step up to the plate and admit that you were wrong? That would be the most decent thing to do.

What if you made an investment in something that turned out to be a scam and you lost a substantial amount of money that could have greatly assisted the family, would you step up to the plate and take the responsibility?

Even though your pride seems to be very important to you there are times when integrity, honor, and the wellbeing of others should count for substantially more. This has a lot to do with the kind of person you are from the core of your being.

If you were a deceitful person from your core you would do deceitful things and hope to get away with your wrongful deeds. If honesty means nothing to you then that is why you would cheat on the one you love and hope to get away with it.

If the wellbeing of your family is worth taking wild risks at their expense then you don’t really care as much about them as you do about your personal ambitions.

If you are rotten from the core then that is why you would make rotten decisions and operate in ways that strokes your pride and ego over others. Although it is one thing to be this kind of person, but another to be as so while living in denial. Others could be harmed because of your denial to take responsibility.

We all make mistakes; that is part of being human. We can usually recover from making bad or poor decisions when we step up and take responsibility for our actions. On the other hand if you repeat poor decision often that is not a casual stumble, but more of a personality trait.

If you don’t attempt to correct your common problems eventually that sort of behavior becomes your core self. It becomes who you are just as your personality is who you are.

Most young men make more than their share of bad decisions. Some do so willingly out of spite or being mischievous while others because wisdom has not yet set in to do its job. It is said that God protects babies and fools. Well thanks to a forgiving God, and people as well that many of us are still living and recovering from the wild days of our youth.

If you are still a young man just know that there is still hope for you because each day you wake up you have a new opportunity to set a new slate. The person you were yesterday is not necessarily the one that you have to be on a new day, and certainly not the one you need be tomorrow.

Nearly all men began to mature in their mid-to-late thirties: even more by their forties and fifties. If per chance you are still acting foolishly by your fifties then you really have a problem because by then your ways are fairly set. “Ain’t nothing like an old fool!”

If you happen to fall into that category there is still hope, not for you, but for those of whom you may be in contact. The hope is that you will dismiss yourself from them so they would not need to rely upon you, one proven to be highly unreliable.

It is one thing to take yourself down in the gutter, but why take others down with you? Spare your loved ones and allow them a chance to have a decent life without you being an albatross around their neck.

If you really want to be a “real man” check yourself in and get some psychological help so one day you might be able to reconnect with your loved ones and become someone that they can eventually rely upon. But until that day comes, if it comes, stay as far away from them as possible so you don’t take them down in the tulles with you.

Remember, it is one thing to make a few mistakes, but when those become your usual ways they are no longer mistakes, but instead a personality trait. If you were rotten at the core I would expect you to be a cheater, a liar, a thief, and all around bad person. “Real men” don’t behave in that sort of manner.

If you ever make a mistake and know it right away at least admit it to yourself and take full responsibility for your actions so you can at least learn from your faults. Eventually it would be nice if you were to put the welfare of your loved ones over your selfish desires.

Because of our upbringing most men fight real hard to hold back tears even when it may be appropriate to let them flow. The loss of a loved one, close friend, or even an associate can bring us to tears. Even attending the funeral of those that are not necessarily that close to us can make us cry when we feel the sorrow of others in their mourning.

In the dark of a movie theatre you will find many grown men shedding tears shielded by the darkness of the room. Why, heck, the older I get the more vulnerable I seem to be and freer to shed a tear or two.

At this stage of life I no longer feel ashamed about shedding tears. It makes me feel more human. Holding back legitimate tears makes me feel less human.  ‘Fessing up to tears welling up is another subject. Our foolish male pride still tells us that real men don’t cry. For some reason it continues to look strange to see a grown man cry in public. That’s not the case for females or children.

On several occasions the newly elected Speaker of the House, John Boehner, has cried in public. He cried at his acceptance speech for winning the election and cried again in an interview with Leslie Stahl of CBS 60-Minutes news show while talking about him crying on election night. Apparently this new Speaker will also be known as the “Weeper” of the House. I know men do cry, but at one point it appears to go a bit overboard. From the public comments so far not everyone seems to be holding it against him.

Crying has ended several political aspirations, as was the case of Ed Muskie attempting to defend his wife back in 1972. This incident was attributed as the cause of his losing the election.  Over the past decade men have been detected while crying in public, including all the past presidents since Reagan up to and including our current President, Barack Obama, crying over the loss of his grandmother. Apparently “real men” can cry in public, but it is usually for a very good and specific reason where the public can sympathize with them.

Human beings cry as a response to an emotional state. There is an actual connection between the tear duct (lachrymal gland) and those areas of the human brain involved with processing emotions: that is a normal function of the human body. Both males and females come equipped with this function.

Perhaps females reveal more emotions than males on average. It is socially acceptable for women and children to cry in public, but less acceptable for men to show their emotions outwardly. For most men it’s a matter of “mind over emotions,” similarly to the concept of “mind over matter.” The urge is there, but the mind tells them not to let it show.

Where does the pressure come from that compel most males not to cry in public? Unfortunately pride seems to be the main culprit. Pride is a high sense of one’s personal status, ego, or importance. It may be an inordinate opinion of one’s merit or dignity. It is mostly our personal opinion of the self, not necessarily something that is based upon facts or supported by physicality. It exists mostly in the mind of the beholder.

If males think crying makes them appear to be less of a man they would rather not do things that make them appear to be a “weakling.” In this case they are more concerned about how others view them rather than something they might do to them physically. This is caused by our over-inflated pride.

The bottom line is that men do cry. It is part of our human function. The fact that it is less acceptable for men to cry in public is a perception that we must deal with as well. People will do really foolish things in order to keep certain secrets they do not want publicly exposed, even including suicide.

As far as the new Speaker of the House is concerned, if he cries because he didn’t get the particular vote that he expected I would worry about him, but when his emotions get the better of him while expressing emotional things, that is something we might have to get used to seeing in public. After all, he is human like the rest of us.

Just recently the son of Bernard Madoff hanged himself by a dog lease in his apartment as his two-year old child slept in another room in the home. One could only imagine what would cause an intelligent person to commit such an act with the child in the home. Unfortunately incidents such as this are not rare.

Apparently three generations will be adversely touched by the sins of this father so far. Who knows how far this stain will remain on the family’s ledger? The egregious acts of this father have already stained many… possibly for generations to come.

How does one account for such a travesty? You feel bad for the innocent ones who had no hand in the act and yet their lives are so adversely affected by the happening.

Besides, and perhaps before the family members of the perpetrator, you have the individuals who were the actual victims of the crime along with their family, friends and associates. Their lives were directly impacted by the acts. Not only are the sins of the father an infliction, who knows how many others may be impacted in some fashion?

Is there any rationale for such? Is there any justification for those involved?

One thing we all can learn as bystanders is the danger of wrongful behaviors. With each action there is always a reaction, and with each cause an effect. How far and how deep the effect may dig is not within the hands of the perpetuator. That would be up to the LAW. The only option we have is the choice not to make the cause. Once it is made the consequences follow as the universe compels them.

It is said that we should be impeccable with all energies that emit from our beings. This includes our acts, deeds, thoughts, and spoken words. It also includes our wishes, desires, hopes, dreams and the like. In essence we are like a processing plant creating things which intern produces more of its likeness.

That would imply that as we are living and going about life we are actually co-creating it. We are causing things to happen that causes other things to happen so we are co-creators of life while in it.

Obviously many do so without thinking about what they are doing so therefore they may be careless with certain actions. Even without the intent to cause harm an action may still cause a harmful reaction so the act of carelessness would have been the fault. On the other hand when you are impeccable with your acts and deeds and still make errors such goes beyond the scope of our control. However it would seem to put you on the positive side of the cause and effect equation.

Keeping these generalities in mind one could only do their best in any given situation and accept the consequences beyond that point. It is dangerous enough when one is unaware of harmful energies that they emit, but to do so with malicious intent crosses another line of the universe where consequences are more severe. It would be prudent not to cross such lines even suspecting the possibility of facing such consequences. Everything that comes from you will be accounted for eventually.

Regarding the sins of a father, we may feel bad for the apparently innocent victims but with the same law that appears to be unjust on this side of the equation, it’s reciprocal works the opposite on the other side with utter perfection.

Nothing goes unpaid; every ounce is accounted for, and to each will come what is due. Fear not! Your finite mind was not built to hold what is infinite; it does not have the capacity to do so. This also implies that the finish line does not happen with death of our bodies, but in another realm where the end substantiates the beginning and all is eventually made whole. Every soul will get there. Be impeccable in all you do.

When college and universities recruit sports stars, what tools are at their disposal to persuade the recruits to attend one school over another? Perhaps the rules are clear to the NCAA or the professional teams, but to the parents and guardians who know they have a big paycheck coming soon, how are they advised or governed?

Is it wrong for a parent to make the best possible deal for their child, especially those who come from a poor environment? We understand that there are and must be rules, but who governs the rules. Might there be pockets that are greased at arms distance away from the public eye? Call me a skeptic, but I have no faith in human nature trying to govern over human nature.

Think about this. When you have an extremely talented and gifted child where do you go to seek the best possible advice about how the real game is played? Do we have agencies that are set up by former stars in their prospective fields that can be easily found when a parent or guardian needs assistance?

Do our former stars such as Magic, Michael, Barkley, Tiger, Lance, or the great Gretsky lend their advice to the youth that are just entering their prospective fields? Do we actually leave then along with our youth out in the very deep sea where there are so many sharks?

Say what you want and believe what you want, but I don’t believe there are level playing fields in this arena. Furthermore, I believe that it is more about who you know and what you may get away with. It is even realistic to assume that there may be fairness when dealing with our young super stars?

If anyone has a better insight hit me back. I’m just curious. Check out this link and let me know what you think.

http://rivals.yahoo.com/ncaa/football/news?slug=ap-auburnnewton-recruitingscandal

Have a nice day?

The common thought process is: “Why should I do more than absolutely necessary in order to put myself into the position that I desire?” If you are capable of achieving great things yet refuse to do so, “just because,” then you are wasting your natural or God-given gifts.  As you look at the totality of the human species there are only a few chosen ones that carry our species progressively forward in a positive manner. If those who have such ability refuse to step on the throttle… the consequences can be devastating for the rest of the species.

As a person who has gifts and talents to do more and rise higher, it is almost a duty to fulfill the shoes I was destined to follow. Since the truly gifted and talented ones are so rare it may take several years or decades before life can reproduce one with uniqueness. Therefore it is imperative that those who have unique and special talents do all they can in order to place their stamp upon society and the world.

Imagine if Gandhi had taken the road less traveled? Imagine if MLK had chosen to get his nuclear family ahead and allow his race to fend for itself? Imagine all the scientists and inventors receiving an idea to create something totally new for the benefit of humanity and, for whatever reason, chose not to share their thoughts with the world? The road less traveled is not an easy one, but it is one that the select few chose to take.

Regardless of what you may think, you came into this world with a special and unique gift or talent. You have a special ability that is yours alone. Just suppose for a moment that you are the only one that can perform what you have the ability to do. Would you not feel an obligation to do the right thing for the right reason? Truth has it; people choose to take the lesser road. They realize that a higher road is available, but still opt to take the lesser one. Is that you?!!!

Without blaming anyone for negligence I would simply say there is much more available to us as a species than that of which we take advantage. More people with special gifts and talents think they can simply take the popular road and allow life to do what it does. I say to you; “That’s not good enough.” You were blessed beyond others for a reason. For those who are given much, more is expected of them; and for those who were given less, not as much is expected. Where you fall in the overall scale is something that you inwardly know. Your Creator knew in advance what you were intended to achieve.

Understanding this to be even a remote possibility: which road will you take? There are two choices: the road most traveled or the one less traveled.  The choice is YOURS.

I just recently read an article posted by the Mayo Clinic called, “Male depression: Understanding the issues.” Here is the direct link in case you would like to read the complete article for yourself:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/male-depression/MC00041

This article confirms my personal experience. I have personally sensed this feeling. Rather than proactively doing something to effectively deal with the situation I tried to ignore it, or overcome it mentally by the power of will. Unfortunately my will power was not strong enough to override this ailment so I was left with holding the ball not knowing what to do with it.

Since I pride myself in being a strong individual, admitting that I could not effectively deal with this issue was my first problem. Until I convinced myself to seek outside help I would remain in the dark. On the other hand, the quicker I would reach out to some sort of medical or other clinical help the quicker I would be put on a path of healing.

As typical of most males I tried to analyze my own problems. If I can’t find the answers I might try to wait it out if the suffering is not too unbearable…Only when the suffering doesn’t go away am I forced out of my “pride shell” to see a doctor.

Since I personally have a few friends that I can talk to about my issues usually they will admit that they have faced something similar or know of someone else who has. Just by reaching outside of my own mental zone of safety I was able to start on a path of discovery that led to a source of possible cures for what I might have been facing. Staying behind my own “pride walls” only led to more of the same “nothingness.” Depression hides behind our pride.

Male depression may go undiagnosed for several reasons, according to the Mayo Clinic:
• Reluctance to discuss depression symptoms
• Seeing mental illness as a threat to your masculinity.
• Masking depression symptoms.
• Resisting mental health treatment.

The article went on to list some of the signs and symptoms more likely to occur with male depression:
• Violent or abusive behavior
• Inappropriate rage
• Escapist behavior, such as over-involvement in work of sports
• Risky behavior, such as reckless driving
• Sexual liaisons
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• More frequent thoughts of suicide

“Having such symptoms can make it more difficult to link them to depression, making diagnosis and treatment harder,” according to the Mayo article.

What men need to learn in general is how to reach out for help without going through denial and senseless pride. If you have strange symptoms and see yourself doing things that are not your usual pattern you need to establish a fail-safe mechanism. If you have a best buddy bonded with trust, ask them to assist you.

Make a pack (pre-agreed upon) with a buddy to handle the tough issues for each other whenever they may occur. If you do not have such a friend then that is a project for you to make an effort to achieve. Creating such a bond is one of the most precious assets of life. If you do not have such a person then you are out on a limb without a safe way out of your situation. You are putting yourself up the creek without a paddle. It doesn’t have to be like that!

Guys, this is a new day. We have to start living and pondering life differently. We no longer need to suffer alone in darkness. Having a problem or condition is not necessarily a sign of weakness. Besides, who cares what people think if it means that you need to remain in a holding pattern of suffering. In reality men may fake holding back pain in public, but we are not lovers of pain. The fact of the matter is that we hate it! If you’re suffering, reach out. Find a cure and rid yourself of the problem. Go to the source of the problem; don’t get stuck on the symptoms. You are not the doctor nor qualified to either treat or heal yourself.

In truth male depression goes directly against the nature of most males. It forces them to admit something they never want to admit: it feels like a threat to their masculinity. It forces you to bury the problem even deeper making it harder to cure and it works against your mind where you think you should be able to figure things out. In this case being well is worth more to you than your pride. But, if you insist upon being prideful, how is that working for you?

One of the major problems is the fact that too few perpetrators are caught or even reported. It becomes the child’s word against an adult. Most times children don’t know how to respond to things that strikes them that way. They are partly in fear, in shame, and just too young to know how to process such emotions. This is what the “perps” take advantage of. They utilize the child’s innocence.

Where would you suppose a perpetrator would position themselves in order to take advantage of innocent victims? Like a spider weaves a web and hides just out of sight snagging their innocent victims as they stumble into the web, this is what perps do. They find places where there are many victims and hide themselves among those who are trusted. By the way, teachers fall into this category as well. Many teachers have been caught over the years taking advantage of children who were innocent victims. Again this is not to paint a brushstroke on any particular profession, but to show the nature of perpetrators. They hide in places where they can better catch their victims.

Is it surprising that child molesters would try to position themselves near a school? Is it also surprising that once they are caught they are required to register and forbidden from living in close proximity of a school? Many times children know about these perps but do not come forth and blow the whistle. This is also the role of the parent to teach their children how to communicate things that seem strange or make them feel strange.

When it comes to handling our children we need to find better ways of screening those who we allow to handle them. If the school, the church, the scouts, or other institutions don’t do their proper screening, parents need to keep a watchful eye on their child’s behavior and take note when they use body language to say things they cannot express in words. The basic problem here is parents not spending enough quality time with their children that they can read their invisible body language. It takes a lot of quality time in order to make such a read.

This is not about living in constant fear or being overly paranoid, but instead about plain and simple logic. Predators usually hide in places where they can take advantage of the most prey. When you send your children out into the world they usually walk among carefully hidden predators, unbeknownst to them, to you, or even the administrators. Predators are usually crafty at what they do; they hide in plain sight.

If you have to err, err on the side of caution. Many times you are the child’s last line of defense. If you suspect anything or anyone do not allow that suspicion to go unchecked. Do your homework and/or investigation. If it ends up being nothing, well and good, but don’t just brush it away as nothing. Perverts hide right out in plain sight. Protect your children!

I’m sure this behavior is not limited to the football players at the U of O Ducks. However, this does show how many of our young males are not getting certain fundamentals about what should be considered acceptable behavior. These charges are not minor. Stealing, fighting, and hitting a girlfriend are not acceptable behavior. Each of these offenses were dealt with in a court of law. The charges were reduced to a lower offense because of who these boys are in the community. Had they not been in their current positions of notoriety perhaps their sentencing would have been more severe. There were several other members of the football squad that were facing disciplinary action as well.

There is something sad about feeling that you are above the law. Some feel that with fame they do not have to play by the same rules as “ordinary people.” With prestige and privilege something goes to the heads of many people. It is called ego, “super-inflated ego.” One feels larger than life and above others, therefore they feel that they can get away with things. These are not the basic values we expect or try to instill in our men. People of low morals and values fill a low space among our fellow human beings. If you participate in such hideous acts of behavior that makes you the scum that we would like to keep separated from the rest. That is why we spend so much money on the penal system. We try to lock people away that commit crimes against the public.

I do not intend to embarrass these young men or pick on them, because many, if not most, young men commit silly and inexcusable things. I too did things that, as an adult, I am not proud to admit. We do these things, not because we have to, but at many times, just “for the hell of it.” If we felt that we could get away with our foolishness we did it. We know they were wrong when we were doing them, but still we did them. Somehow a very clear-cut line isn’t being firmly planted. This is what we need to start enforcing. If or when our children cross the lines we need to allow them to pay for those actions. There are consequences to everything you do. Some are not pleasant. If you do the crime be prepared to pay the time. You need to know that wrong behavior has severe consequences. The sooner you learn this lesson the better off you will be.

We have to find ways to teach our children this very important lesson. Each one needs to teach another. This is the only way we can reach them all. Each parent or guardian must make their children one of their highest priorities. We need to love them and support them when they do well, but we need to drop the hammer on them when they go against the standard order of conduct. Better that you punish them early than the criminal justice system owning them for a large portion of their lives. “Each one teaches one.”

This does not mean that men of poor character or those who make poor choices are not real, but instead we as a collected body of people should draw moralistic lines as to how we would like to be defined as human beings. Everything cannot be acceptable. All sorts of behavior should not be allowed. No matter where we are willing to draw the line it will not be the same for us all. But surely most people could agree that certain things are not acceptable as an image that we would like to see men emulate.

Even Tiger Woods does not think his behavior was proper. He knows what he did was extremely wrong and against the very image he wanted to set as a role model. We know that he failed miserably and broke his own rules. At the same time we know that the image he attempted to portray was based upon solid fundamental moralistic principles. We know that he cares about children “walking the straight and narrow,” even though he walked the “crooked line.” We know that he would not want other men to do as he has done and call that a good practice. By his own admission he felt that because of his fame and money he was above our most basic rules. No person is that large, but that does not prevent him or her (as the case may be) from breaking the same rules they claim to espouse.

Look at the number of clergymen that committed sinful and/or illegal practices. Look at educators who break moralistic and even criminal laws, while teaching our children. Look at parents that do almost everything they tell their children not to do. Children will do as they see others do in spite of what they may be told!

Who does not break the very same rules they claim to postulate? None of us are as perfect as we would like to be. None of us even make the mark that we set for ourselves. Some fail so miserably that it is not even a contest. Yes, Tiger is one of them. Are you one that we might put under a microscope and use in the media as a shining example?

Tiger broke the rules. Tiger did not uphold the image that he claimed he wanted to portray.. We cannot condone such behavior, no matter what opportunity and availability one may have. That is why we set the standard for a real man to be one that has high moral character and integrity. With such standards there are built-in boundaries Cheating, breaking the rules, committing immoral acts, all goes against basic moral character and standards. If men learn and practice high moral character and integrity as a way of life then from within comes the signal not to do the things that we now know Tiger has done.

When you know that you are weak you also know that you need help. Hopefully there is enough brokenness, enough true humility in Tiger that he continues pursuing the course he has begun in seeking professional help. If he follows through with the help that is already started he will grow and mature and possibly become the real man that his wife, children, mother, and others will be able to look up to with pride as he evolves into a model of a Real Man. He is not there yet; he has only just begun to work on his problems, but I think he can get there with the proper care and help.